Saturday, May 30, 2015

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Typing this while having my second slice of chocolate cake today, hehe. Not hungry at all but I need it for distraction or else I'll have this worse feeling of failure
Um, where to start,....
I lose count of how many times I've typed here only to leave the box empty again. It's hard to explain this without revealing too much personal issue and sounding like a fragile, pathetic being.

So,
after weeks of what felt like depression, I sought for professional help.
Today I knew what I've been suffering from, also lots of branching problems rooted from a period of my younger days.
Everything was clearly explained by the counselor, but my vision of tomorrow is a blur.
After all the poisoning thoughts I allow on my mind, all the damage I did, I'm afraid those aren't the limit. Might as well make another hole on the wound?

It's a misery living as a mentally unstable HSP isn't it. How long can I hold on this time? What and who will trigger me next time? I hate to sound so bitter, but I am feeling worthless. I had enough of sugarcoating everything pretending I'm a bright persona walking through life happy-go-lucky. Actually everything seems better without me in it (no, really, recently all I did was just messing up broken things even more)

Nothing is more contradictory than the picture and word in this post. But it's the outside that counts, right?  Can't wait to be another burden

2 comments :

  1. Beautiful photos. I hope these feelings pass for you soon. The best advice I got was to take one day at a time, you don't know what changes are around the corner (hopefully great ones!). You're not alone!

    { sparklesideup.com }

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  2. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. While I don't know your situation, I do know what it is like to be depressed and it's something that I keep trying to overcome. I agree that all you can do is take it one day at a time.

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