Saturday, May 30, 2015

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Typing this while having my second slice of chocolate cake today, hehe. Not hungry at all but I need it for distraction or else I'll have this worse feeling of failure
Um, where to start,....
I lose count of how many times I've typed here only to leave the box empty again. It's hard to explain this without revealing too much personal issue and sounding like a fragile, pathetic being.

So,
after weeks of what felt like depression, I sought for professional help.
Today I knew what I've been suffering from, also lots of branching problems rooted from a period of my younger days.
Everything was clearly explained by the counselor, but my vision of tomorrow is a blur.
After all the poisoning thoughts I allow on my mind, all the damage I did, I'm afraid those aren't the limit. Might as well make another hole on the wound?

It's a misery living as a mentally unstable HSP isn't it. How long can I hold on this time? What and who will trigger me next time? I hate to sound so bitter, but I am feeling worthless. I had enough of sugarcoating everything pretending I'm a bright persona walking through life happy-go-lucky. Actually everything seems better without me in it (no, really, recently all I did was just messing up broken things even more)

Nothing is more contradictory than the picture and word in this post. But it's the outside that counts, right?  Can't wait to be another burden

Thursday, May 14, 2015

So it seems I’m someone I’ve never met

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That awkward hand position...wasn't ready for photo yet 
I owe my blog a lot of stories ;; so here's the first to come from last August's Bali trip. We (Keshia has a blog now!) visited the Instagram-worthy Angelita Tea Salon and Patisserie.
To be honest I forget how the cake tasted like so I can't talk much about it. But I hope those baby blue wall and pretty tea set make up for the review haha.

These days I mostly busy enjoying all the free time I have. For 2 weeks I had my laptop repaired (hence the delayed post..) and despite all the hardships I felt during the internet detox (uuugh not really actually, I still have my cellphone hehe) I found more time to sleep, practice my skills, and contemplate on life.
I admit I haven't gotten rid of this internet addiction of mine since, um, 6 years ago. Real hard, I must say, especially with the addition of social media storm coming few years ago.
I'm easily distracted which makes it worse, aaand concerned of what would become of me and my deadlines, I deleted some of the apps from my phone few months ago  guess what, my life has become much more peaceful!
I feel like the older I am, the less information of me I want to reveal to people. I don't find it's comfortable with the idea of kaypoh strangers knowing what's really happening in my life (other than blog readers of course thanks for sticking with me huhu). I guess that kind of thinking helps a lot in releasing myself from updating a personal status filled with emotion like, once, every hour which I did a lot in the past :x
Well that leaves Instagram, I think. I'm still struggling in holding the urge to check my feed all the time. The 'OooOoOoh I must share to show people I have a really gooood life!!11!' feel is far more tempting than the urge to finish my to-do list.
But at least instead of checking what people are doing now I spend more time pampering my inner mind over Rumi's poetry, consoling Tumblr post, finding music gems or watching useful (or not...) tutorial
By the way this Tiny Buddha article helps me a lot in dealing with social media negativity. Just in case you need it? :)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

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Hello from Museum Kereta Api Ambarawa (Ambarawa Train Museum)!
My friend and me went to another backpacking sort-of trip to Semarang last April, but we made sure to have a stop at Ambarawa, where this museum is located! Besides, my private teacher since kindergarten until primary school has settled there since she abstained from tutoring activity, so it would be really nice we think, to visit this museum which has been in my bucket list since the day I saw it on newspaper article....┌(⊙෴⊙)┘♪ and to have a little gathering reminiscing my childhood once again. I swear my tutor played a big part in shaping me the way I am now...huhu she was still exactly the same kind personality since 15 years ago, only now less energetic and thinner :')

The first day during out trip was spent moving; train ride from Jakarta (my first time in a long train ride, enjoyed the scenery!), handling half of our luggages to the Semarang guest house for the sake of travelling comfortably, left Semarang to Ambarawa with our backpacks by public transportation,...
We left Jakarta home as early as 5.30 AM, only to arrive at our rented guest house in Ambarawa by 6 PM. Haha so exhausting, our clothes were all sticky and wet from the sweat (eeek)

By the time we arrived at the train museum, it was around 2 PM already, but it seemed like because it was weekday,  besides us there were just couples and teenage girls taking photo. It drizzled a bit after we got there, so the weather was perfectly mild.
They have huge collection of locomotives with historical value. Also memorabilia from the good old days when the museum was still actively used as train station. I enjoyed skimming through the collections at the display room while admiring the interior at the same time.

By the way, I found a fact that the retired station master is a neighbour of my tutor, he's still working at the museum (managing the museum, I think?) and his house has this train shaped carving on the garden wall, so cute!
Another tidbit, my teacher told me that when the evening comes, strange sounds could be heard from inside of the museum...because, you know, it's been there since 1837 plus I'm pretty sure that the locomotives were a lot of help for the heroic act of Indonesians, during the struggle for independence (˶′◡‵˶  )
Anyway if you plan to go here don't miss the historical train tour which only opened for reservation on Sunday. It seemed that all my luck had been used for my last exam, because I left Ambarawa for Semarang on Saturday...but no worries, I'll definitely come back in the future ゚+。:.゚ヽ(*´∀`)ノ゚.:。+゚
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